Here we are

woah. The last few pages of chapter nine are seriously blowing my mind.  This post may not even make sense but here goes nothing...

"do you hear what Jesus is saying? ... the Father is finally getting an answer to the very question He asked humanity.  In the garden, in the garden that had become a cemetery because of the sin of Adam and Eve...God calls out, 'where are you?' .... Here I am. Here I am says the representative human. Here I am says God the Son as One of us.  Here I am says the One who is us! Here I am - and all the children you have given me"

woah.

I have to say the most life changing season of my walk with Jesus so far was when I felt Him call me out of hiding.  I had spent so much time hiding behind these identities I had formed for myself in the things I achieved or the things I was good at, I hid behind lies, I hid behind other people's personalities that I thought were better than mine, I hid behind shame.  When I heard "I love you, the one I created, not any of those other things. I love you. What freedom.  I've never felt so bare and vulnerable and free.  To stand and look God in the eye and say Here I am.  Me, not any of those other things, me.

what a full circle moment to realize in that time it wasn't me on my own that stood there in freedom to say here I am.  That it was Jesus who died on the cross and then came to introduce me to the Father.  As His body was ripped He tore the curtain and instead of me saying Here I am, I hear Jesus say, "here she is".  I was hidden from Christ by my sin.  When Jesus broke that barrier I hid myself away behind shame.  I find humbly that it was not me who finally found the courage to say Here I am - but Jesus who says here we are.  When God cries out "where are you Emily".  The only reason I can answer is because Jesus stands with me.  He has removed my shame. He has unburied me from all self made barriers.

I don't know...wish I could explain what just happened in my head better but thats the best I got... processing overload!