Hello! My chapter 11 post was absent last week so i'm combining it with this weeks as well
Passages that stuck out to me from chapter 11
Every spiritual journey takes us to the hardest realities in our lives, the monsters within us, our shadows and strongholds, our willful flesh, and our inner demons. It is essential that we understand these enemies within us or we will inevitably project them outward on to other people (205).
It is like being addicted- only it is not to drugs or alcohol but to activity and doing (205).
It seems like this chapter hits hard with integrity and focuses on the different spheres of our lives we need to cultivate it. I really enjoyed reading through the Integrity with Yourself passage because i relate to the resentful feeling of Jesus' yoke. i see how at times, i dehumanize myself in ministry. like scazzero says on 208, "it was inhuman." stopping and remembering that we are beings, not doings is something i have to do so many times. Freedom! is so awesome. in light of the i am statements we went over last week, i find so many of them that impart freedom to the soul.
I love the lobster analogy to begin chapter 12. as i've wrestled with parts of this book and brought the gospel and the truths/grace of Jesus to the light and dark realities i've come face to face with, it feels like the hard shell has been challenged to crack. Man the journey! it doesnt stop! its only begun! i can't wait to experience this summer with this new perspective and approach i've been exposed to
Thursday, March 20, 2014
Late to the Party
Hi Team,
I have been undeniably absent from this blog, and in turn, from community with my team and my family.
There are not good reasons for this absence either. I have been heading in the opposite direction from pretty much everything this book writes about regarding emotional health. My followership to Jesus has been muddled by busy-ness and activites.
Thank you for your consistent encouragement and presence in my life. The texts, emails and calls from this team have been a huge encouragement to me over the past few months. Thank you.
Excited for this weekend, for this team and for this summer.
-Mike
I have been undeniably absent from this blog, and in turn, from community with my team and my family.
There are not good reasons for this absence either. I have been heading in the opposite direction from pretty much everything this book writes about regarding emotional health. My followership to Jesus has been muddled by busy-ness and activites.
Thank you for your consistent encouragement and presence in my life. The texts, emails and calls from this team have been a huge encouragement to me over the past few months. Thank you.
Excited for this weekend, for this team and for this summer.
-Mike
Final Post - M&M's in the Dashboard Prayer - Lord Jesus, Melt & Destroy my Thin, Flimsy Shell
Final Post - M&M's in the Dashboard Prayer - Lord Jesus, Melt & Destroy My Thin, Flimsy Shell
Thanks admin team for an amazing weekend with the Barneys.
When I read the beginning of Chapter 12 where
Scazerro discusses lobsters shedding their thick outer shell, I immediately
thought of Chris Farley in Tommy Boy where in clueless, clumsy, “I can never
get it right,” insecurity he tells David Spade, “well, you’re brain is the one
with the shell in it.”
Scazerro discusses lobsters shedding their thick outer shell, I immediately
thought of Chris Farley in Tommy Boy where in clueless, clumsy, “I can never
get it right,” insecurity he tells David Spade, “well, you’re brain is the one
with the shell in it.”
For me personally, this image of Farley is so fitting as I
approach the summer. Borrowing from the
Devotional Guide, I sit here praying right now that God will give me the
courage and trust to take myself far less seriously and take him very seriously
as I daily face the mysterious work of the Holy Spirit who convicts (which
leads to embarrassment, humble confession, awkward mistake admitting) and
inspires (compassion, empathy, and servant hood.)
approach the summer. Borrowing from the
Devotional Guide, I sit here praying right now that God will give me the
courage and trust to take myself far less seriously and take him very seriously
as I daily face the mysterious work of the Holy Spirit who convicts (which
leads to embarrassment, humble confession, awkward mistake admitting) and
inspires (compassion, empathy, and servant hood.)
To go back to the Ultra Packet, as I perceive His fullness,
I become more aware of my own emptiness and through the conviction and
inspiration of the Holy Spirit I am given the freedom to be made in His
likeness which is my life’s highest calling for which I have been created.
Love you Jesus! Thanks for being our
utmost passionate lover and fearless guide.
When I’m stuck in stuttered speechlessness please melt my prideful “SHUT
UP HOLY SPIRIT” with grace-filled humility that embraces weakness and
appreciates the revelation of frailty by your always-to-be-trusted touch of
mercy.
I become more aware of my own emptiness and through the conviction and
inspiration of the Holy Spirit I am given the freedom to be made in His
likeness which is my life’s highest calling for which I have been created.
Love you Jesus! Thanks for being our
utmost passionate lover and fearless guide.
When I’m stuck in stuttered speechlessness please melt my prideful “SHUT
UP HOLY SPIRIT” with grace-filled humility that embraces weakness and
appreciates the revelation of frailty by your always-to-be-trusted touch of
mercy.
Final thoughts!
First let me say thanks Admin for the Journey! Reading through the book and your posts has been encouraging and challenging. This community of Sonshine is unlike any other community I have experienced before. I have my theories of why, but ultimately it is the heart of Christ in all of us beating as one. Some singer song writer by the name of Bono sang it once, "Two hearts beat as one!" In this case I would say, "The Admin's heart beat as one!" I have a few take aways from the book.
1. Kids are emotionally healthy and emotionally unhealthy all at the same time! Yet, Jesus calls us to come to Him as children do. The moment I claim emotional maturity and I abandon my child-like faith, trust, hope, and love in Jesus I enter emo-unhealthy land.
2. The moment I pursue emotional health outside of the person of Jesus I enter emo-unhealthy land!
3. Emotional health is a bi-product of my relationship with God. If loving others flows naturally from loving God emotional health is a natural bi-product. I might try and convince myself that I can grow in relationship with God and others, but I am only lying to myself and scripture testifies against me (Pretty much all of 1 John).
I am made in God's image. I have thoughts, I am a person, and I have a spirit. God as revealed to us is a perfect Trinity. We are made in that image (trinitarian). Thoughts, person, spirit! Sin has entered the human race and separated our thoughts from person and spirit. No longer are the three - one working in perfect harmony. Rather my thoughts, person, and spirit are confused, lost, and disjointed - they are sinful....full of sin.....separated. Jesus is the only human to walk the earth in perfect harmony - thoughts- person- spirit- made in the image of God. In Christ we are encouraged to take every thought captive, have our thoughts "renewed", offer our persons as living sacrifices, and be reborn to/with/from a new spirit. Christ's work on the cross has remade me in God's image. Jesus is the only one who can restore my thoughts, person, and spirit....to the Glory of God!
Emotional unhealth surfaces when I no longer recognize my new life (trinitarian) in Christ. My disjointed past (thoughts, person, spirit) are given an opportunity to be resurrected. Resurrected by who? God?....no. Me?....no. Satan? Yes!!! I choose to not trust the "deeper magic" of Christ's work and I prostitute myself to the enemy of Jesus! Talk about emotional unhealth! I choose to live the horrible 80's/90's movies - "Night of the living dead" - never a good thing.
In closing.....EMOTIONAL HEALTH = FAITH - HOPE - TRUST IN JESUS!
This post just burned about 1000 emotional calories!
-Reid
1. Kids are emotionally healthy and emotionally unhealthy all at the same time! Yet, Jesus calls us to come to Him as children do. The moment I claim emotional maturity and I abandon my child-like faith, trust, hope, and love in Jesus I enter emo-unhealthy land.
2. The moment I pursue emotional health outside of the person of Jesus I enter emo-unhealthy land!
3. Emotional health is a bi-product of my relationship with God. If loving others flows naturally from loving God emotional health is a natural bi-product. I might try and convince myself that I can grow in relationship with God and others, but I am only lying to myself and scripture testifies against me (Pretty much all of 1 John).
I am made in God's image. I have thoughts, I am a person, and I have a spirit. God as revealed to us is a perfect Trinity. We are made in that image (trinitarian). Thoughts, person, spirit! Sin has entered the human race and separated our thoughts from person and spirit. No longer are the three - one working in perfect harmony. Rather my thoughts, person, and spirit are confused, lost, and disjointed - they are sinful....full of sin.....separated. Jesus is the only human to walk the earth in perfect harmony - thoughts- person- spirit- made in the image of God. In Christ we are encouraged to take every thought captive, have our thoughts "renewed", offer our persons as living sacrifices, and be reborn to/with/from a new spirit. Christ's work on the cross has remade me in God's image. Jesus is the only one who can restore my thoughts, person, and spirit....to the Glory of God!
Emotional unhealth surfaces when I no longer recognize my new life (trinitarian) in Christ. My disjointed past (thoughts, person, spirit) are given an opportunity to be resurrected. Resurrected by who? God?....no. Me?....no. Satan? Yes!!! I choose to not trust the "deeper magic" of Christ's work and I prostitute myself to the enemy of Jesus! Talk about emotional unhealth! I choose to live the horrible 80's/90's movies - "Night of the living dead" - never a good thing.
In closing.....EMOTIONAL HEALTH = FAITH - HOPE - TRUST IN JESUS!
This post just burned about 1000 emotional calories!
-Reid
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
I need to confess something......
Allow myself to confess myself --
Confessing Weakness – “Outwardly we are wasting away.” – The
Apsotle Paul.
So, on February 25th
I visited Delta Eye Medical Group for my first pair of prescription
glasses. For four decades my eyes were strong but now they like everything else in this world are weakening when I try to see writing up close. In short, my eyes are weakening.
Soooo, I received a call this morning
from Reid. He laughingly asked me to read Andy’s post. After reading Andy’s post, I realized that I
had mistakenly read “conversions” as “conversations.” #*&$ eyes!!!!
I just confirmed with Delta Eye that my prescription eye ware
is ready and as soon as I stop typing this quick post I will go pick them
up. So, I thought it would be fun and
funny to highlight that the outward “wasting away” of Steve Mann messed with my
blog post. So glad we worship a God that
allows us to laugh and boast about our weaknesses.
Love this blogosphere! Great,
healthy, place to see and experience Christ in community with you!!
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
Stubborn Heart, Stubborn Wind -- Trusting God when you like a chapter but can't apply it!
As I read about the conversations at the start of chapter
11, I paused and recorded the conversations I’ve had in the last 48 hours about
God stuff in my house hold. In the last
two days, I’ve been fielding a lot of spiritual conversation questions from my
kids. Here are a sample of the ones I
remember: Dad, are there other worlds?
Dad, how many days were there in creation? And if the bible says, that
for God, time is different than hours, like one day is 10,000 years or
something, how does that play in? Dad,
what is your favorite bible story? Dad, why did God create the earth? Dad, when
God created the animals I think he created them for us to enjoy but it seems
like things changed, did they?
Journeying through these questions with my kids created some great
communion with the heart of the gospel - Christ’s unprecedented, &
perfectly unique love story for them and the creation.
As I inventory the last 48 hours of “conversations” outside
of my family I find the following:
Outside of my family, tragedy was in my path, as a family wept at church beside me and a pastor explained to me that I was witnessing the morning of a sudden death by aneurysm of a man in his forties by his wife and kids. His wife teaches at the school Karis attended last year. Yesterday night Sarah shared with me that a gal who was active at Lakewood School years ago committed suicide. I prayed for a lady on Sunday who has three kids and is incapacitated by vicious abdominal pain from what may be a botched surgery dating back to October. Andy moments ago shared with me that his uncle is suffering and needs prayer.
Outside of my family, tragedy was in my path, as a family wept at church beside me and a pastor explained to me that I was witnessing the morning of a sudden death by aneurysm of a man in his forties by his wife and kids. His wife teaches at the school Karis attended last year. Yesterday night Sarah shared with me that a gal who was active at Lakewood School years ago committed suicide. I prayed for a lady on Sunday who has three kids and is incapacitated by vicious abdominal pain from what may be a botched surgery dating back to October. Andy moments ago shared with me that his uncle is suffering and needs prayer.
The point – I loved chapter 11 but God’s not directing my
life to celebrate the life of Christ through deep conversations about emotional
health – (not that the author expects that, but I kind of did!)
Chapter 11 had the most highlights for me. Its packed with wisdom and words that express tender, ongoing intimacy with Christ over and over. As I look at the last 48 hours of conversations, I am reminded of Steph’s post – “abide, abide, abide.” Sometimes conversations with those around me are great opportunities to proclaim emotional health. Sometimes (like the questions from my kids illustrated) the conversations are more centered on the Lordship of Christ and His glorious fulfillment of all things including space and time through the cross. When I think about applying emotional health over the last 48 hours I am kind of stumped. I feel like Nicodemous before Jesus. I’ve got these great ideas from this guy but none of the conversations are affording me the opportunity to put them to practice. The wind is blowing me in places where the book isn’t exactly a great fit in my relationships….. then Steph’s words ring in the breeze “ABIDE, ABIDE, ABIDE.”
Chapter 11 had the most highlights for me. Its packed with wisdom and words that express tender, ongoing intimacy with Christ over and over. As I look at the last 48 hours of conversations, I am reminded of Steph’s post – “abide, abide, abide.” Sometimes conversations with those around me are great opportunities to proclaim emotional health. Sometimes (like the questions from my kids illustrated) the conversations are more centered on the Lordship of Christ and His glorious fulfillment of all things including space and time through the cross. When I think about applying emotional health over the last 48 hours I am kind of stumped. I feel like Nicodemous before Jesus. I’ve got these great ideas from this guy but none of the conversations are affording me the opportunity to put them to practice. The wind is blowing me in places where the book isn’t exactly a great fit in my relationships….. then Steph’s words ring in the breeze “ABIDE, ABIDE, ABIDE.”
When I abide, I can ride the spirit of God like the wind and
fly to a moment of chat about emotional health (or not) or perhaps (as been happening recently) fly to
a moment of proclaiming the eternal glorious appearing of Christ. In summary, I feel compelled as I write to
acknowledge that I can trust Jesus and ride the wind and that’s about it. I’ve challenged myself in the past with this
- Try to catch the wind in the bottle and tell it where to go. I can assure you, catching the wind doesn’t
work.
As I finished chapter 11 I feel compelled to turn in my wind
catching bottle and other Christian paraphernalia that I use to get God to do
what I want. With my God manipulating
junk stashed away, I am left with a simple prayer from 2 Corinthians 2:16 – “Who
is adequate for these things?” As I
pray, “God, who is adequate for any of this stuff?” I hear Paul preach back to
me - “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from
ourselves, but our adequacy is from God,
who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the
letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.” (2
Corinthians 3:5-6.)
One truth about who each of you are that puts a fat smile on
my face and fills my heart with joy-filled hope as I read the blog each week comes
from this same passage in 2 Corinthians
3 – “You are our letter, written in our
hearts, known and read by all men; being manifested that you are a letter of
Christ, cared for by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living
God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.”
Thanks for writing words written on tablets of stone (or Ipads.) Those words that you’ve written through the spirit of God express the very Word of God – Christ Jesus in You!!! -- The revelation of Christ in you brings super-charged encouragement to my soul at least. Thanks for sharing. Your sharing as Paul suggests isn’t just hollow words but the very letter of Christ written on your heart.
I love that.
Thanks for writing words written on tablets of stone (or Ipads.) Those words that you’ve written through the spirit of God express the very Word of God – Christ Jesus in You!!! -- The revelation of Christ in you brings super-charged encouragement to my soul at least. Thanks for sharing. Your sharing as Paul suggests isn’t just hollow words but the very letter of Christ written on your heart.
I love that.
PT for the Soul
I've been learning a lot about physical therapy this past week. It is kind of fun hearing about muscles and problems that the human body will compensate for without the person knowing. A friend visited last night from So-Cal who is a balloon artist. She "twists" for her livelihood. She was talking about aching arms and the dreaded carpal-tunnel-syndrome, which is death to any ballooner. At our house she went through a little exam, wincing, guarding, grimacing as her shoulder and neck were manipulated. The problem of carpal-tunnel pain was not being caused specifically by her over use of the wrists, but by weakness in her shoulders which caused the rest of her body to compensate, manifesting in pain in her wrists (at least I think that is what Emily said).
The solution? My friend needs to re-learn and be re-trained on how to do simple twisting techniques that have been "bio-mechanically incorrect" for so long. Hard? YES. Impossible? NO!
When Scazzero started talking about the 4 conversions (I first confused with conversations). It seemed with each conversion in Chapter 11 that Scazzero was learning that his problem was in need of being chiseled down to the core. The core being JESUS! We need to go back to Jesus. We have overworked the little muscles, we need to be retrained! We NEED Jesus! So many people need Jesus, heck, I need Jesus!
'Lord, teach us to pray; teach us to forgive; make us your people. Yours is the kingdom, the power and the glory."- Lent for Everybody- N.T. Wright (Tuesday)
"Pray, then, in this way: 'Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. 'Your kingdom come. Your will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. 'Give us this day our daily bread. 'And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 'And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. [ For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.' ] (Matthew 6:9-13 NASB)
Monday, March 10, 2014
Chapters 9 & 10
Hello from miami!
Some passages that stuck out to me from these chapters:
"Unaware of how they were shaping my current relationships and leadership. God was seeking to enlarge my soul and mature me while i was seeking a quick end to my pain" (159).
"Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul and enlarged it" (160).
"The laments pay attention to the reality that life can be hard, difficult, and sometimes even brutal. They take notice of the apparent absence of God. They notice when circumstances seem to say that God is not good. They cry out to God for comfort and care" (168).
"She stopped working so hard to earn God's approval and began to grasp the love and grace in the gospel" (171).
"Sometimes, we rebel during confusing in-between periods rather than embrace the waiting period in which we find ourselves. The temptation to flee from God, to quit, or to fall into despair is great when it appears God is absent. The good news is that even then, God will find us and meet us" (174).
"It became difficult to distinguish between loving people for who they are versus using them for how they could join with the mission" (185).
Chapter nine led me to revisit the grieving process during my senior year of high school. Even back then i ignored many feelings and i related with this quote: "i used to believe that grieving was an interruption, an obstacle in my path to serve Christ. In short, I considered it a waste of time, preventing me from "redeeming the time" (163). I see how i didnt allow myself to feel the whole range of emotion in a healthy space where i could bring them to Jesus.
Chapter ten reminded me of our disc reports. I remember the title slide having the word "incarnational" in it with Steve explaining how we can "get under each other's skin" and communicate better with each by becoming aware of our tendencies and personalities.
More so with my family, i hope to make incarnation my model for loving well. I see that we have related to each other by physically entering each other's world, but i desire to delve into their worlds incarnationally as well. I feel as if my relationship with them is at the tip of the iceberg with much room to grow
Some passages that stuck out to me from these chapters:
"Unaware of how they were shaping my current relationships and leadership. God was seeking to enlarge my soul and mature me while i was seeking a quick end to my pain" (159).
"Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul and enlarged it" (160).
"The laments pay attention to the reality that life can be hard, difficult, and sometimes even brutal. They take notice of the apparent absence of God. They notice when circumstances seem to say that God is not good. They cry out to God for comfort and care" (168).
"She stopped working so hard to earn God's approval and began to grasp the love and grace in the gospel" (171).
"Sometimes, we rebel during confusing in-between periods rather than embrace the waiting period in which we find ourselves. The temptation to flee from God, to quit, or to fall into despair is great when it appears God is absent. The good news is that even then, God will find us and meet us" (174).
"It became difficult to distinguish between loving people for who they are versus using them for how they could join with the mission" (185).
Chapter nine led me to revisit the grieving process during my senior year of high school. Even back then i ignored many feelings and i related with this quote: "i used to believe that grieving was an interruption, an obstacle in my path to serve Christ. In short, I considered it a waste of time, preventing me from "redeeming the time" (163). I see how i didnt allow myself to feel the whole range of emotion in a healthy space where i could bring them to Jesus.
Chapter ten reminded me of our disc reports. I remember the title slide having the word "incarnational" in it with Steve explaining how we can "get under each other's skin" and communicate better with each by becoming aware of our tendencies and personalities.
More so with my family, i hope to make incarnation my model for loving well. I see that we have related to each other by physically entering each other's world, but i desire to delve into their worlds incarnationally as well. I feel as if my relationship with them is at the tip of the iceberg with much room to grow
Sunday, March 9, 2014
Spinning plates in a busy life
Chapter 11 gave me so many times to reflect back on some of the trainee floats I had been a part of. In fact there were so many parts of this chapter that brought me back to the many summers on the water!
Page 202, "I learned that emotional health and spiritual maturity cannot be separated, that maturity is about love and character, not gifts or knowledge." This brought me directly to the Super Ultra Packet, "God and People care more about and are more interested in character and maturity than skill and ability." This has been a reminder that I have taken with me off the water as well in all my jobs and all my relationships and specifically in my relationship with Christ. We are so quick to land on what we can do and to look for identity and recognition in the doing of our lives and not the being in our lives. It is such a balance in our faith between the doing and being.
Page 208, "As Christian leaders, one of our greatest challenges is to manage ourselves. How can we be in communion with other people, if I am not in communion with myself? How can I be in a healthy relationship with others if I am not in a healthy relationship with myself? How can I be intimate with you if I am not intimate with myself?"
page 206, "When our life with God is not sufficient to sustain our work for God, we too find ourselves struggling with our integrity."
Page 208, "Jesus models for us healthy self-care. With the weight of the world on his shoulders, we observe him resting and enjoying what others give to him before going to the cross (John 12:1-8)."
These last 3 quotes stuck out for me as I remembers some of my areas of struggle as I walked through the trainee curriculum, I am a chronic spinner of too many plates and often though I am busy I feel so lonely. I am a doer but do not take care of myself well. As much as I love serving others and encouraging others if I am not leaning into Jesus and his ways then I am not going to be able to do the serving he has gifted me to do as well he has equipped and prepared me too. My encouragement to all of you as you prepare and move into the summer is to take care of yourself and relationship with Jesus, that should never be compromised. That is a part of being a servant leader. Abiding in Jesus is essential,he is the vine and we are the branches. The fruit that we will bear is Jesus' to bear for us all we need to do is abide in him and the fruit with come. Abide, Abide, Abide.
Page 202, "I learned that emotional health and spiritual maturity cannot be separated, that maturity is about love and character, not gifts or knowledge." This brought me directly to the Super Ultra Packet, "God and People care more about and are more interested in character and maturity than skill and ability." This has been a reminder that I have taken with me off the water as well in all my jobs and all my relationships and specifically in my relationship with Christ. We are so quick to land on what we can do and to look for identity and recognition in the doing of our lives and not the being in our lives. It is such a balance in our faith between the doing and being.
Page 208, "As Christian leaders, one of our greatest challenges is to manage ourselves. How can we be in communion with other people, if I am not in communion with myself? How can I be in a healthy relationship with others if I am not in a healthy relationship with myself? How can I be intimate with you if I am not intimate with myself?"
page 206, "When our life with God is not sufficient to sustain our work for God, we too find ourselves struggling with our integrity."
Page 208, "Jesus models for us healthy self-care. With the weight of the world on his shoulders, we observe him resting and enjoying what others give to him before going to the cross (John 12:1-8)."
These last 3 quotes stuck out for me as I remembers some of my areas of struggle as I walked through the trainee curriculum, I am a chronic spinner of too many plates and often though I am busy I feel so lonely. I am a doer but do not take care of myself well. As much as I love serving others and encouraging others if I am not leaning into Jesus and his ways then I am not going to be able to do the serving he has gifted me to do as well he has equipped and prepared me too. My encouragement to all of you as you prepare and move into the summer is to take care of yourself and relationship with Jesus, that should never be compromised. That is a part of being a servant leader. Abiding in Jesus is essential,he is the vine and we are the branches. The fruit that we will bear is Jesus' to bear for us all we need to do is abide in him and the fruit with come. Abide, Abide, Abide.
There's A Monster (or MONSTERS) Under My Bed
"Every spiritual journey takes us to the hardest realities in our lives, the monsters within us, our shadows and strongholds, our willful flesh, and our inner demons. It is essential that we understand these enemies within us or we will inevitably project them outward on to other people" (205).
This quote makes me think of our basic human biology. Whatever we choose to eat or drink throughout the day, our body uses in order to allow us to move, think, breathe, and so on. Our body uses what it needs then excretes what it doesn't need. Thus, what comes in, comes out. If we're eating healthily - fruits, vegetables, wheats, etc. - then we're projecting healthiness outward; however, when we eat "junk" we only release and project "junk" outward onto others. I think about what Reid tells the staff every Memorial Day / Driver Week about the importance of having our daily devotional time with the Lord because when we're not spending the time to develop, maintain, and/or improve our relationship with Him, it makes it impossible for us to develop, maintain, and/or improve our relationships with others. That's because we need the goodness and purity of the Lord each morning to sustain and provide us the necessary "energy" for the day; when we fail to take that time with Him, we instead take in junk to try to find fulfillment and find that "energy" to sustain us throughout the day. As we all know, that always falls short. One-Hundred percent reliance on the Lord is absolutely necessary for our own person to journey (THE JOURNEY! <-- I don't know what this is from but I just know we say it!) through the challenges/obstacles of everyday life, but it is also absolutely necessary in terms of our relationships (befriending, encouraging, modeling, and inviting) to others! Thus, as Scazzero states, we must be aware of "the monsters within us" to avoid projecting those monstrosities onto others.
In my life, I know these monsters are self-criticism as well as judgment of others, unwholesome thoughts, reacting vs. responding, acting impatiently, etc. I find that as I become aware of my "monsters" it allows me to improve upon those aspects of my character that need rebuking, but it also allows me to be aware of the ways I treat and relate to others.
Love you all - can't wait to hear about the training weekends!!!
This quote makes me think of our basic human biology. Whatever we choose to eat or drink throughout the day, our body uses in order to allow us to move, think, breathe, and so on. Our body uses what it needs then excretes what it doesn't need. Thus, what comes in, comes out. If we're eating healthily - fruits, vegetables, wheats, etc. - then we're projecting healthiness outward; however, when we eat "junk" we only release and project "junk" outward onto others. I think about what Reid tells the staff every Memorial Day / Driver Week about the importance of having our daily devotional time with the Lord because when we're not spending the time to develop, maintain, and/or improve our relationship with Him, it makes it impossible for us to develop, maintain, and/or improve our relationships with others. That's because we need the goodness and purity of the Lord each morning to sustain and provide us the necessary "energy" for the day; when we fail to take that time with Him, we instead take in junk to try to find fulfillment and find that "energy" to sustain us throughout the day. As we all know, that always falls short. One-Hundred percent reliance on the Lord is absolutely necessary for our own person to journey (THE JOURNEY! <-- I don't know what this is from but I just know we say it!) through the challenges/obstacles of everyday life, but it is also absolutely necessary in terms of our relationships (befriending, encouraging, modeling, and inviting) to others! Thus, as Scazzero states, we must be aware of "the monsters within us" to avoid projecting those monstrosities onto others.
In my life, I know these monsters are self-criticism as well as judgment of others, unwholesome thoughts, reacting vs. responding, acting impatiently, etc. I find that as I become aware of my "monsters" it allows me to improve upon those aspects of my character that need rebuking, but it also allows me to be aware of the ways I treat and relate to others.
Love you all - can't wait to hear about the training weekends!!!
Just Slow Down and Listen!
Chapter 10 struck me in an interesting way. I've always heard the sermons about living incarnationally with those around us, the idea of going into other people's world and meeting them where they're at. But Scazzero emphasized listening...a lot. A few times during the reading I found myself saying, "Ok, I get it. Listen. But when are you going to tell me how to live incarnationally, and really love people?" And the only answer I kept reading was LISTEN! That's how we do it. We enter into people's worlds by listening, with no agenda of our own, to anything and everything they want to tell us.
I like to think I'm a pretty good listener. I've found that I've become the go-to person for a few of my friends when they just need someone to talk to. And I love being able to support them in that way. After I read this chapter I began to look back at how I became a good listener, or where those habits started. And what I found was that during high school (when my parents divorce was new and fresh) often times I would ask people how they were doing in hopes they would ask me the same. At that point, I don't think I really cared about what they were saying, I just wanted the return - for me. All I wanted was for some to truly be present with me and listen, and I thought that if I did that for someone else, they would reciprocate. And since reflecting on that, I'm finding that I still have that tendency. It's not necessarily to fix any of their problems, or to get my input in...it's just so I can be heard too. And as I've matured I feel like I am much more compassionate for what the other people are talking about - I really do care - but ultimately, I still want to be able to share, to be heard, to feel loved.
And that, for those of you who know me well might sound weird, you're probably thinking "but you rarely share anyways" and that's a whole other can of worms that I'm still processing through. But here's my thoughts on that...prior to Sonshine, I didn't feel like anyone really cared. I had a few really bad experiences with previous small group leaders who flat out didn't care about the things I was sharing. So I completely shut down - and my family wasn't one to talk about our feelings much (as mentioned previously in this study). Sonshine was the first time I felt like people legitimately cared and it's been a gnarly process of allowing those walls to come to down. The Henri Nouwen quote on page 190 pinpoints what Sonshine has been for me: "To care means first of all to be present to each other. From experience you know that those who care for you become present to you. When they listen, the listen to you. When the speak, the speak to you. Their presence is a healing presence because they accept you on your terms, and they encourage you to take your own life seriously." Sonshine has done wonders in my life in terms of the vulnerability I have with other people, but my natural tendency is still to shut down. But despite that, my heart's longing to be loved is often met by someone just being present with me.
Chapter 11
The conclusion I drew from my last blog led very well into this chapter - I swear I didn't look ahead! At the end of the last blog, I basically said...I need to slow down (I mean, I titled the whole post Slow Down...so, yah...). Needless to say this chapter reaffirmed that conclusion.
"We fear how many things might fall apart. So we just keep going" (205). I pretty sure I basically wrote that line last week. I think I'm subconsciously afraid that if I'm not doing something, no one will do it. It's not going to be done right, it'll be late, it just won't work how it's supposed to...so "I'll just do it" is what ends up coming out of my mouth.
"Only in light of the love of God can we love ourselves rightly. And if we do not know what it is to care for ourselves, we cannot love others well" (208). This reminded me of the definition of burnout that we talk about a lot (Parker Palmer...I think) - trying to give out of what you don't have. If we can't even care for ourselves, how do we expect to care for others.
"But work for God that is not nourished by a deep interior life with God will eventually be contaminated. Our experiential sense of worth and validation gradually shifts from God's love for us in Christ to our works and performance" (206-7). Doing follows being anyone?
"Cultivating an intentional life with our Lord Jesus requires intentionally focused time - for silence, prayer, meditation on Scripture and reading" (206). This is definitely something that has taken a seat on the back burner as life has gotten so crazy this year. The first thing that I thought of as I read that line was prayer alarms. Something that we did last year as an admin team (and I'm sure many admin teams before have done) was that each person picked three times during the day to set an alarm to specifically stop and pray for camp - bookings, youth pastors, campers, staff, safety, the RJW, etc. So, I'm setting my alarms for 9am, 12pm, and 6pm. I'm going to make that an intentional time to STOP!
If you want to join in on the prayer alarm cycle, let's pick some times and start praying together as a team for camp! 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm? Let us know what times you pick so we can be in prayer as a team!
Love you guys. See you all so soon!
**Late edit - I intro-ed that prayer alarm thing like most of you weren't on the admin team last year...and then I remembered we only added Micaela and Kenzie. So...let's do it again! :)
I like to think I'm a pretty good listener. I've found that I've become the go-to person for a few of my friends when they just need someone to talk to. And I love being able to support them in that way. After I read this chapter I began to look back at how I became a good listener, or where those habits started. And what I found was that during high school (when my parents divorce was new and fresh) often times I would ask people how they were doing in hopes they would ask me the same. At that point, I don't think I really cared about what they were saying, I just wanted the return - for me. All I wanted was for some to truly be present with me and listen, and I thought that if I did that for someone else, they would reciprocate. And since reflecting on that, I'm finding that I still have that tendency. It's not necessarily to fix any of their problems, or to get my input in...it's just so I can be heard too. And as I've matured I feel like I am much more compassionate for what the other people are talking about - I really do care - but ultimately, I still want to be able to share, to be heard, to feel loved.
And that, for those of you who know me well might sound weird, you're probably thinking "but you rarely share anyways" and that's a whole other can of worms that I'm still processing through. But here's my thoughts on that...prior to Sonshine, I didn't feel like anyone really cared. I had a few really bad experiences with previous small group leaders who flat out didn't care about the things I was sharing. So I completely shut down - and my family wasn't one to talk about our feelings much (as mentioned previously in this study). Sonshine was the first time I felt like people legitimately cared and it's been a gnarly process of allowing those walls to come to down. The Henri Nouwen quote on page 190 pinpoints what Sonshine has been for me: "To care means first of all to be present to each other. From experience you know that those who care for you become present to you. When they listen, the listen to you. When the speak, the speak to you. Their presence is a healing presence because they accept you on your terms, and they encourage you to take your own life seriously." Sonshine has done wonders in my life in terms of the vulnerability I have with other people, but my natural tendency is still to shut down. But despite that, my heart's longing to be loved is often met by someone just being present with me.
Chapter 11
The conclusion I drew from my last blog led very well into this chapter - I swear I didn't look ahead! At the end of the last blog, I basically said...I need to slow down (I mean, I titled the whole post Slow Down...so, yah...). Needless to say this chapter reaffirmed that conclusion.
"We fear how many things might fall apart. So we just keep going" (205). I pretty sure I basically wrote that line last week. I think I'm subconsciously afraid that if I'm not doing something, no one will do it. It's not going to be done right, it'll be late, it just won't work how it's supposed to...so "I'll just do it" is what ends up coming out of my mouth.
"Only in light of the love of God can we love ourselves rightly. And if we do not know what it is to care for ourselves, we cannot love others well" (208). This reminded me of the definition of burnout that we talk about a lot (Parker Palmer...I think) - trying to give out of what you don't have. If we can't even care for ourselves, how do we expect to care for others.
"But work for God that is not nourished by a deep interior life with God will eventually be contaminated. Our experiential sense of worth and validation gradually shifts from God's love for us in Christ to our works and performance" (206-7). Doing follows being anyone?
"Cultivating an intentional life with our Lord Jesus requires intentionally focused time - for silence, prayer, meditation on Scripture and reading" (206). This is definitely something that has taken a seat on the back burner as life has gotten so crazy this year. The first thing that I thought of as I read that line was prayer alarms. Something that we did last year as an admin team (and I'm sure many admin teams before have done) was that each person picked three times during the day to set an alarm to specifically stop and pray for camp - bookings, youth pastors, campers, staff, safety, the RJW, etc. So, I'm setting my alarms for 9am, 12pm, and 6pm. I'm going to make that an intentional time to STOP!
If you want to join in on the prayer alarm cycle, let's pick some times and start praying together as a team for camp! 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm? Let us know what times you pick so we can be in prayer as a team!
Love you guys. See you all so soon!
**Late edit - I intro-ed that prayer alarm thing like most of you weren't on the admin team last year...and then I remembered we only added Micaela and Kenzie. So...let's do it again! :)
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Slow Down, You Move Too Fast...
Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last.
Just kicking down the cobble stones.
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy.
I've got no deeds to do,
No promises to keep. I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep. Let the morning time drop all its petals on me. Life, I love you, All is groovy.
- Simon and Garfunkel
Who in the world has time for this, Simon and G.?????!!! Kicking cobble stones? A leisurely morning? A petal rain shower? It's more like a cram down some toast, I'm lucky if I get a shower, grab my bags, trip on the cobble stones the city still hasn't paved yet, and go!
"It's like being addicted - only it is not to drugs or alcohol but to activity and doing. Our bodies physiologically cannot seem to get off adrenaline to slow down. We fear how many things might fall apart. So we just keep going." (p. 205) It's like he (Scazzero) read my mind! Activity, activity, activity. It is exhausting and not a sustainable lifestyle. I have slowly learned over the years, and continue to learn every single day, to break the busyness addiction.
For so long I packed not only my work schedule, but my social schedule. I was busy with work Monday through Friday, and packed my social, church, and house-keeping (bills, mail, errands) activities on Saturdays and Sundays. I even brought work home over the weekends and added that to the pile of things to do. I was getting burned out, exhausted, and very bitter. I had nothing left to give to myself or to others. My set-aside times with God were at night (the only pause I had) and usually I fell asleep only to wake up with my devotional on the floor.
After many, many conversations with God (usually driving back late at night completely exhausted after work or an event and on the verge of tears), that I finally received the message. It wasn't even a phrase God spoke to me, or a verse that I read, but a deep, persistent, gut-knowing that this life, this busyness, this exhaustion, was not working for me. This was not what God had in mind for me. This was not His best for me.
I slowly started making changes. I decided that work would be work and home would be home. Even if I had to stay a little later at work from Monday-Friday, I was going to have a day off - a Sabbath. Saturdays have become my day to not work, not pack my social schedule, but to sleep, be quiet, pray, read a great book like this one, and, if I feel like it, visit with a friend. That's it. Sometimes the only words I speak on some Saturdays are, "May I please have a grande mocha?...With whip!" I have said "No" to a lot of friends, events, and nights out on the town, but, wow, what a difference it has made in my attitude come Monday morning. I feel more recharged and more ready to give. This has been a VERY hard lesson and it continues to be every day. I still over-book and cave to the "YES," thus giving my Saturdays away. Every day I have to make a choice to keep my schedule clear for Saturday. Not only that, but I have become more discerning and strict with what I commit myself to. I have said "NO" to opportunities at church, work, etc. so I can pour myself into what I am already committed to. Thank you, Lord, for this lesson you continue to gently pound into me every single day. :) "It is the practice of stopping that makes the practice of the presence of God a real possibility."
"God uses disorienting events and experiences to do a profound inner work in us." (p. 205). Can Scazzero get an "Amen?" AMEN!! It all goes back to brokenness, vulnerability, and honesty before God, doesn't it? There have been some profound moments in my life (illness, broken relationships, etc.) that have knocked me flat on my butt. But it has been in those incredibly hard, helpless, "I can't do it alone" places that God has worked on my insides and been so loving and gentle that it actually hurts. I can't help but be changed. As I mentioned in my last post, I hate the pain, but I love what the pain does. Thank you, Lord, for investigating our lives, layer by layer, even when it hurts. You love us that much. You are that good.
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Friday, March 7, 2014
I am a 2 year old
This last weekend I went to Palm Springs and visited my grandparents. Along with myself, my mom, my aunt, my cousin, and my cousins daughter all came. My cousins daughter, Evelyn, is 2 and half years old. And there is definitely a reason they call that time the "terrible twos." She is a crazy, bratty toddler but we all love her! She wanted to always play and run around and pretend she was a dog (it obviously runs in the family). With all of this she also chose who she liked and who she didn't like and she was pretty blunt about it. One of the people she didn't like was my grandfather. No one knew why she just did not like him. Now this story kind of goes back to the genome thing but it also has another point I promise.
My grandfather is very soft spoken and has a hard facade. He doesn't share much about himself, and pretty much just keeps to himself. However, when Evelyn expressed her dislike of him, you could tell he was really hurt. Although we all knew it was just because she was 2, he still took it super personally. At one point in the weekend I was talking to my dad on the phone in the spare bedroom and Evelyn ran into the room and sat on the bed across from me and just stared at me. My grandfather then walked in and tried to talk to Evelyn, and she through a hissy fit. At this point I was just trying to hear what my dad was saying but then I got distracted by what happened next. My grandfather looked Evelyn straight in the eye and said "You are such a little stinker, but you have no idea how much I love you." I almost started tearing up.
This man who rarely said he loved his own daughters as they grew up was so vocal about it now. Just seeing this transformation was so awesome. He told my mom that he loved her every chance he could and expressed the same to me all weekend long. But this exchange with Evelyn just reminded me of our relationship with God. And honestly I kind of needed it... I have totally been acting like a 2 year old. We are these bratty two year olds that decide when we want to be with God and when we don't want to be with him, when we want to listen to his will, and when we don't want to listen. We innately just want to run around and play, we don't just want to sit and be with him. But he does the same thing that my grandfather did, he looks us straight in the eye and tells us how much he loves us.
Reading through chapter 9 I was just hit with the fact that God meets us where we are at. I am going to be completely honest here and tell you guys that the last few weeks have been hard. I have been struggling with my health again and have been so ridiculously frustrated with God. I feel so angry that I almost don't even want to spend time with him. "Sometimes, we rebel during confusing in-between periods rather than embrace the waiting period in which we find ourselves. The temptation to flee from God, to quit, or to fall into despair is great when it appears God is absent. The good news is that even the, god will fin us and meet us." pg 173-174 This is real life!! I started calling all the shasta barns again this week and when I ask them what God has been teaching them recently all of them have been talking about how God is just teaching them to be patient, or to just sit in God's his presence. To just be. What the heck!? God is using these people that I am supposedly leading to teach me and meet me where I am at. This is going to be an interesting summer. It has seriously been so beyond encouraging that god is using phone calls (which I was super worried about and procrastinating on) to meet where I am at. I am still definitely frustrated because I have absolutely no control over my stomach aches, or head aches and they always come at the worst times. Instead of fleeing from this frustration and anger I am trying to express it, and lift it up to God but it is definitely easier to flee.
This Psalm has helped me this week and is such a good reminder that God loves us so much even when we are bratty 2 year olds. He will set us high upon a rock and keep us safe in his dwelling.
"One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock." Psalm 27: 4-5
My grandfather is very soft spoken and has a hard facade. He doesn't share much about himself, and pretty much just keeps to himself. However, when Evelyn expressed her dislike of him, you could tell he was really hurt. Although we all knew it was just because she was 2, he still took it super personally. At one point in the weekend I was talking to my dad on the phone in the spare bedroom and Evelyn ran into the room and sat on the bed across from me and just stared at me. My grandfather then walked in and tried to talk to Evelyn, and she through a hissy fit. At this point I was just trying to hear what my dad was saying but then I got distracted by what happened next. My grandfather looked Evelyn straight in the eye and said "You are such a little stinker, but you have no idea how much I love you." I almost started tearing up.
This man who rarely said he loved his own daughters as they grew up was so vocal about it now. Just seeing this transformation was so awesome. He told my mom that he loved her every chance he could and expressed the same to me all weekend long. But this exchange with Evelyn just reminded me of our relationship with God. And honestly I kind of needed it... I have totally been acting like a 2 year old. We are these bratty two year olds that decide when we want to be with God and when we don't want to be with him, when we want to listen to his will, and when we don't want to listen. We innately just want to run around and play, we don't just want to sit and be with him. But he does the same thing that my grandfather did, he looks us straight in the eye and tells us how much he loves us.
Reading through chapter 9 I was just hit with the fact that God meets us where we are at. I am going to be completely honest here and tell you guys that the last few weeks have been hard. I have been struggling with my health again and have been so ridiculously frustrated with God. I feel so angry that I almost don't even want to spend time with him. "Sometimes, we rebel during confusing in-between periods rather than embrace the waiting period in which we find ourselves. The temptation to flee from God, to quit, or to fall into despair is great when it appears God is absent. The good news is that even the, god will fin us and meet us." pg 173-174 This is real life!! I started calling all the shasta barns again this week and when I ask them what God has been teaching them recently all of them have been talking about how God is just teaching them to be patient, or to just sit in God's his presence. To just be. What the heck!? God is using these people that I am supposedly leading to teach me and meet me where I am at. This is going to be an interesting summer. It has seriously been so beyond encouraging that god is using phone calls (which I was super worried about and procrastinating on) to meet where I am at. I am still definitely frustrated because I have absolutely no control over my stomach aches, or head aches and they always come at the worst times. Instead of fleeing from this frustration and anger I am trying to express it, and lift it up to God but it is definitely easier to flee.
This Psalm has helped me this week and is such a good reminder that God loves us so much even when we are bratty 2 year olds. He will set us high upon a rock and keep us safe in his dwelling.
"One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock." Psalm 27: 4-5
Unattended and Unintentional
Chapter 9
As I began to read chapter 9. I kept telling myself, "oh I don't think this one will apply to you." My pride was obviously way off. Suffering from loss and grief doesn't only mean I have lost my family or my best friends. Loss and grief are personal and unique to everyone. The more I dug into this, I realized my own loss and grief was centered around all of my other "problems" My sadness and guilt and insecurities all come from a place that I associate loss and missing out with. This deeply affects me and my way to cope is to run away, to move on and pretend that isn't me who feels like that.
I am an avid Pinterester, and all the time I pin quotes like 'stay strong' and 'move on' and similar things. But we aren't called to avoid this emotions. They don't make us less of a person. In a quote that Scazzero takes an excerpt from, this one really stood out to me.
'Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same. There is no going back to the past... It is not therefore true that we become less through loss - unless we allow the loss to make us less, grinding our soul down until there is nothing left.' pg 160
I know to some people my own personal loss might not seem like anything. But I have to tell my self to not think like that. The Lord sees my sorrows and some how still loves me the same.
"Unattended to over time, they [our losses] prevent us from entering into walking freely and honestly with God and others. " pg 161
This hit me hard. I realized that this is exactly my life. I have left unattended (probably since training 2 summers ago) all of my feelings. I have locked them away unattended, just building and building. Ultimately hindering my walk with Christ and those around me.
But really God invites us to embrace this loss and grief. He wants us to grow through them and give them to him, not store them up. Jesus teaches this to us in John. In order to grow and multiply we have to be like seeds and die first. But in his soil, surrounded by him not our loss, for that isn't a fertile place to grow.
"God assures us that he will defeat the goblins on our behalf and lead you into new resurrections."
Chapter 10
This chapter has become something of a motivation for me. I think that being like Jesus is literally the hardest feat for us humans. But then I realized, duh. Its supposed to be, we aren't perfect! Intentionally following Jesus comes down to one thing Love and loving well. And who knew that Scazzero was going to bring up listening?
Now that I am a housemate, I seem to often be the catch all for one particular housemate's emotions, I have had to listen a lot. 80% of the time I love to listen and help and offer my advice and tell her I'm praying for her and so on. But is that really always loving her like I should what about that other 20% (okay its maybe more) . I internally role my eyes when she comes into my room late at night and wants to chat. For a time that ends up being way too long. I know you are thinking Kenzie is so mean..but these are my true reactions. Its not how I should be reacting and I know it.
Like Scazzero said, I was blind to the fact that listening is the indispensable element to loving people. Jesus was an intentional listener! Me? I am distracted and selfish and I interrupt and try to change the subject so I can do what I want. Just because I don't want to express my feelings to her...( remember I bottle mine up... ) doesn't mean that I shouldn't accept her emotions and walk through and alongside her in them. So like I said above this has become a motivation for me. To understand God's grace in myself and make it a priority to be an intentional listener all the time!
Kenzie :)
As I began to read chapter 9. I kept telling myself, "oh I don't think this one will apply to you." My pride was obviously way off. Suffering from loss and grief doesn't only mean I have lost my family or my best friends. Loss and grief are personal and unique to everyone. The more I dug into this, I realized my own loss and grief was centered around all of my other "problems" My sadness and guilt and insecurities all come from a place that I associate loss and missing out with. This deeply affects me and my way to cope is to run away, to move on and pretend that isn't me who feels like that.
I am an avid Pinterester, and all the time I pin quotes like 'stay strong' and 'move on' and similar things. But we aren't called to avoid this emotions. They don't make us less of a person. In a quote that Scazzero takes an excerpt from, this one really stood out to me.
'Catastrophic loss by definition precludes recovery. It will transform us or destroy us, but it will never leave us the same. There is no going back to the past... It is not therefore true that we become less through loss - unless we allow the loss to make us less, grinding our soul down until there is nothing left.' pg 160
I know to some people my own personal loss might not seem like anything. But I have to tell my self to not think like that. The Lord sees my sorrows and some how still loves me the same.
"Unattended to over time, they [our losses] prevent us from entering into walking freely and honestly with God and others. " pg 161
This hit me hard. I realized that this is exactly my life. I have left unattended (probably since training 2 summers ago) all of my feelings. I have locked them away unattended, just building and building. Ultimately hindering my walk with Christ and those around me.
But really God invites us to embrace this loss and grief. He wants us to grow through them and give them to him, not store them up. Jesus teaches this to us in John. In order to grow and multiply we have to be like seeds and die first. But in his soil, surrounded by him not our loss, for that isn't a fertile place to grow.
"God assures us that he will defeat the goblins on our behalf and lead you into new resurrections."
Chapter 10
This chapter has become something of a motivation for me. I think that being like Jesus is literally the hardest feat for us humans. But then I realized, duh. Its supposed to be, we aren't perfect! Intentionally following Jesus comes down to one thing Love and loving well. And who knew that Scazzero was going to bring up listening?
Now that I am a housemate, I seem to often be the catch all for one particular housemate's emotions, I have had to listen a lot. 80% of the time I love to listen and help and offer my advice and tell her I'm praying for her and so on. But is that really always loving her like I should what about that other 20% (okay its maybe more) . I internally role my eyes when she comes into my room late at night and wants to chat. For a time that ends up being way too long. I know you are thinking Kenzie is so mean..but these are my true reactions. Its not how I should be reacting and I know it.
Like Scazzero said, I was blind to the fact that listening is the indispensable element to loving people. Jesus was an intentional listener! Me? I am distracted and selfish and I interrupt and try to change the subject so I can do what I want. Just because I don't want to express my feelings to her...( remember I bottle mine up... ) doesn't mean that I shouldn't accept her emotions and walk through and alongside her in them. So like I said above this has become a motivation for me. To understand God's grace in myself and make it a priority to be an intentional listener all the time!
Kenzie :)
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