"I've been trying to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness."
- Don Henley
Forgiveness. So easy to say, so hard to do. I read chapter 9 on Saturday night, the sermon at church on Sunday was about forgiveness, and I heard this song on Monday. God is cleaning house, people! Ouch be to God!
"The process of forgiveness always involves grieving before letting go - whether you are the person giving forgiveness or asking for it....I didn't understand that there might be a process to forgiving" (p. 165). I actually breathed a sigh of relief when I read this. I am SO thankful for this incredible gift of time to own and process pain and to go through its journey so forgiveness can be mature and not superficial. I think I have had the idea that forgiveness needs to be immediate and ASAP. God forgives me. How dare I not forgive someone else right away?!! I understand that we should not let bitterness take hold of us, but am thankful for the permission to journey through the path to forgiveness. I needed that permission. "The deeper the wound, the longer the journey."
"David knows we are deepened by taking the time to grieve our losses before moving on...When a ministry dream or opportunity does not work out, it is crucial that we pay attention to our inner life beneath the surface and feel the disappointment before God" (p. 169). I remember a few years ago a teacher I worked with was going through a life change and she simply said, "Any time there is a change, there is a loss." I walked away thinking, "She is totally right!" Life is ever-changing and it is full of big and mini losses that must be grieved. I am constantly surprised at the seemingly little losses I feel: A change of a procedure at my school (But I liked the old way!), or the change of a travel plan (You mean I have to wait a whole year before I can go?). Change = loss = grief
I am currently grieving the slow deterioration of a relationship. There have been a lot of dreams, planning, and hoping enmeshed with this person. It is difficult and painful. I don't love the pain, but I love what the pain does. That sounds super crazy (like an artist addicted to depression because that's when his/her best ideas arise ), but it is true. It drives me to a place of incredible vulnerability and openness. And like Scazzero says, it makes me pay attention. Out of brokenness, grief, and an I-don't-know-where-to turn state, all of a sudden, I am all ears. Speak Lord, your servant is listening. "Scripture commands us to pay attention. Grieving is indispensable for a full-orbed spirituality."
Changes That Come Through Mourning: "We are able to live more comfortable with mystery when it comes to God and his plans. We are not afraid to say, "I don't know...." (p. 176). A big YES to this. There have been so many curveballs in life that I honestly don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, tonight, or in the next 10 minutes. And that is o.k. In fact, that is great. Lord, thank you that I am not in charge. Because what You have for me is far greater, more extravagant in love, and richer than anything I could ever plan, want, or know.
As for incarnation: "'What is it like to be you? To walk in your skin?' I am aware of the truth that when we go out of ourselves and live briefly in the world, of another person, we never return to our own lives the same person. God changes us into the image of his Son through the process. We learn to die to the ugly parts of ourselves" (P. 198) Oh Lord, help us to do this every single day. Help us while we are out on the water this summer with the Barneys, Drivers, and with each other. Help me to enter into the lives of the people around me and not "fix" them, but to love them well.
Hi Nina, your post gave me a much richer and personal understanding of Scazerro's writings on incarnation, forgiveness, and grief. Thank you!
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