Chapter 10 struck me in an interesting way. I've always heard the sermons about living incarnationally with those around us, the idea of going into other people's world and meeting them where they're at. But Scazzero emphasized listening...a lot. A few times during the reading I found myself saying, "Ok, I get it. Listen. But when are you going to tell me how to live incarnationally, and really love people?" And the only answer I kept reading was LISTEN! That's how we do it. We enter into people's worlds by listening, with no agenda of our own, to anything and everything they want to tell us.
I like to think I'm a pretty good listener. I've found that I've become the go-to person for a few of my friends when they just need someone to talk to. And I love being able to support them in that way. After I read this chapter I began to look back at how I became a good listener, or where those habits started. And what I found was that during high school (when my parents divorce was new and fresh) often times I would ask people how they were doing in hopes they would ask me the same. At that point, I don't think I really cared about what they were saying, I just wanted the return - for me. All I wanted was for some to truly be present with me and listen, and I thought that if I did that for someone else, they would reciprocate. And since reflecting on that, I'm finding that I still have that tendency. It's not necessarily to fix any of their problems, or to get my input in...it's just so I can be heard too. And as I've matured I feel like I am much more compassionate for what the other people are talking about - I really do care - but ultimately, I still want to be able to share, to be heard, to feel loved.
And that, for those of you who know me well might sound weird, you're probably thinking "but you rarely share anyways" and that's a whole other can of worms that I'm still processing through. But here's my thoughts on that...prior to Sonshine, I didn't feel like anyone really cared. I had a few really bad experiences with previous small group leaders who flat out didn't care about the things I was sharing. So I completely shut down - and my family wasn't one to talk about our feelings much (as mentioned previously in this study). Sonshine was the first time I felt like people legitimately cared and it's been a gnarly process of allowing those walls to come to down. The Henri Nouwen quote on page 190 pinpoints what Sonshine has been for me: "To care means first of all to be present to each other. From experience you know that those who care for you become present to you. When they listen, the listen to you. When the speak, the speak to you. Their presence is a healing presence because they accept you on your terms, and they encourage you to take your own life seriously." Sonshine has done wonders in my life in terms of the vulnerability I have with other people, but my natural tendency is still to shut down. But despite that, my heart's longing to be loved is often met by someone just being present with me.
Chapter 11
The conclusion I drew from my last blog led very well into this chapter - I swear I didn't look ahead! At the end of the last blog, I basically said...I need to slow down (I mean, I titled the whole post Slow Down...so, yah...). Needless to say this chapter reaffirmed that conclusion.
"We fear how many things might fall apart. So we just keep going" (205). I pretty sure I basically wrote that line last week. I think I'm subconsciously afraid that if I'm not doing something, no one will do it. It's not going to be done right, it'll be late, it just won't work how it's supposed to...so "I'll just do it" is what ends up coming out of my mouth.
"Only in light of the love of God can we love ourselves rightly. And if we do not know what it is to care for ourselves, we cannot love others well" (208). This reminded me of the definition of burnout that we talk about a lot (Parker Palmer...I think) - trying to give out of what you don't have. If we can't even care for ourselves, how do we expect to care for others.
"But work for God that is not nourished by a deep interior life with God will eventually be contaminated. Our experiential sense of worth and validation gradually shifts from God's love for us in Christ to our works and performance" (206-7). Doing follows being anyone?
"Cultivating an intentional life with our Lord Jesus requires intentionally focused time - for silence, prayer, meditation on Scripture and reading" (206). This is definitely something that has taken a seat on the back burner as life has gotten so crazy this year. The first thing that I thought of as I read that line was prayer alarms. Something that we did last year as an admin team (and I'm sure many admin teams before have done) was that each person picked three times during the day to set an alarm to specifically stop and pray for camp - bookings, youth pastors, campers, staff, safety, the RJW, etc. So, I'm setting my alarms for 9am, 12pm, and 6pm. I'm going to make that an intentional time to STOP!
If you want to join in on the prayer alarm cycle, let's pick some times and start praying together as a team for camp! 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm? Let us know what times you pick so we can be in prayer as a team!
Love you guys. See you all so soon!
**Late edit - I intro-ed that prayer alarm thing like most of you weren't on the admin team last year...and then I remembered we only added Micaela and Kenzie. So...let's do it again! :)
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