Am I Willing?

Dang - Chapter 5 is riddled with so much good stuff.  I'll hit Chapter 6 in another post.

"If I am willing to go deep beneath the iceberg of my present self, I have to be willing to suffer the discomfort and pain that is a part of pioneering new parts of myself - the good, the bad, and the ugly." (77) - Am I willing to do that? Discomfort and pain is not something that I enjoy feeling, and I definitely don't enjoy walking into something know that's what I'm going to feel. I run from those situations, I do everything I can to avoid them - and the emotions associated. Why? Probably this next quote:

"We are more worried about what other people think of us than about wrestling with our feelings and motivations." (79) - This kind of goes back to part of what I talked about in my last blog - what are people going to think of me if I actually show my emotions, if I show that I don't have everything together?

"The gospel says you are more sinful and flawed than you ever dared believe, yet you are more accepted and loved than you ever dared hope because Jesus lived and died in your place." (83) - Wait, so it's not because of the things I do or how "good" I portray myself to be...oh, right. I remember now!

"I didn't think I would be liked or allowed to lead if I was not strong and together. ... I don't have to prove myself to anyone. ... I am perfectly loved and accepted by God ... I love knowing I have nothing left to prove because I am valued, loved, and accepted by Jesus Christ. ... I am free to fail, to share my weaknesses and needs with others, to admit I too have struggles, to admit "I was wrong, please forgive me," to recognize that I don't have all the answers, and to relax, not thinking I have to take care of everyone else." (84) - Story of my life. This is so characteristic of my second driver summer. I feel like that was the first time that I was able to share my struggles and weaknesses with my team and know that despite those things I was still loved.

"He calls me his beloved because of Christ's flawlessness, not mine." (85) - AMEN!

"God has given us the gospel to create a safe environment to look beneath the surface. I don't have to prove that I'm lovable or valuable. I don't have to be right all the time. I can be vulnerable even if others don't accept me. I can even take risks and fail. Why? Because God sees the 90% of the iceberg hidden beneath the surface, and he utterly and totally loves me in Christ." (85) - Once again, such good news that we are loved despite what we do. I'm so thankful for the truth of the gospel.

With all the talk and reflection on how much I am loved despite the iceberg beneath surface - I still come back to that question of - am I willing to suffer the discomfort and pain of diving in?

"The real horror is how easy it is to remain in a comfortable, distorted illusion about our lives. Something may not be true, but we become so used to it that it feels right. Other who live and work closely with us can usually pick up some of our inconsistencies and defensive maneuvers. Few, however, have the courage and skill to point them out in a mature, loving way." (73) - The first part of that quote is just another thing that rings so true for my life: easy to remain comfortable, and so used to it that it feels right. But, I truly believe that you guys are those few it mentions at the end. The support I know I have in you guys makes this journey a little bit easier...not to say that it's not still hard. But knowing I'm not in it alone is comforting enough.