I'll go to school...

Saying "no" ≠ being a bad follower.

I connected with Ch. 8 in a few spots "Give people freedom to say no' *(all I kept hearing is "you never graduate from Jesus school"- thanks Sonshine)  

It wasn't until a few summers serving with Sonshine that I began to understand that in order for me to "live a balanced life" there were some things I needed to say "no" to.  Often growing up I had (and have) this incredible desire to serve AND PLEASE others. I would jump at the chance to be away from home and be over involved in "something at church."  I quickly learned that by serving ALL THE TIME other things (time with family, conflict, hurt, pain, homework) could be escaped.  The word "no" was rarely in my vocabulary.  

"There is this new role that we don't know much about, pays nothing, and demands all of you, you should do this..."(dramatized a little for effect) was presented.  Feeling obligated to say yes... I began sharing with friends who know me well, they recognized I might be headed down a path of utter destruction.   Upon seeing council from friends (who knew me better than I knew myself- pointing out my potholes/deficits *trainee packet) I was reminded that "if not given the opportunity to say no... you will say yes" that my tunnel vision, blinder, pothole-seeking eyes were opened.  This is where I learned that saying "no-thanks" to a opportunity at church didn't mean I was a BAD CHRISTIAN (mind blown). 

What freedom!!! Without the community I would have camper-dove head first into the muddiest pothole.  Going through the trainee program and reading the Reid's post about THE WOODCARVER by Thomas Merton, showed me that sometimes those closest to me can see my destructive behavior before I can, and walk-alongside me and remind me, point out to me, and drag me out of my potholes. 

"After three days fasting, I had forgotten gain and success.  After five days I had forgotten praise or criticism. After seven days I had forgotten my body with all its limbs...  All that might distract me from the work had vanished"- The Woodcarver- by Thomas Merton

1 Timothy 4 is so good... in rereading the Revelation of Grace and Truth packet. 

Without Jesus... I can't say what my life would be like. I can recognize in this moment how desperately I need Him, and how often I try to put those blinders back on.

Thank you Father for your Son!