Jesus' emotional example.

For the last couple of weeks, I have been bombarded with reminders of this book. 

First of all, in myself, in struggling with burdens and guilt and ultimately avoiding and suppressing those feelings.  A housemate that is struggling with not wanting to lead her small group anymore because she doesn't enjoy leadership roles and feels more fulfilled in worship ministry but is afraid to let her co-leaders know her feelings. Another housemate has become confused of how to be a Christ-like friend to someone who consistently dumps his problems on her without listening to her advise. Lastly, my church is currently going through this same text, "The Emo Church Series." 

I have emotional issues coming at me in every direction. The first thing that came to my mind naturally was "why God?" and then "I don't want to deal with any of this." Typical. 

A few saturdays ago, I broke down. I cried to my mom for a few hours straight. I was drowning in my potholes. (guilt and major insecurity) Stress and lack of trust had pushed further and further down. The day after, my pastor announced that we were going to start a series on this same book. In my seat, I was elated. I love hearing my pastors point of view on topics. That first week he spoke about how Jesus expressed his emotions. I was shocked, for some reason I had forgotten how emotional Jesus was and then was so happy I really wasn't alone in this. 

This is how Jesus is emotionally healthy when he is at Gethsemane. 
-He gave his feelings to God. 
"My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death," he said to them....
Mark 14:34
-He gave God his desires.
"Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him."Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me (...)"
Mark 14:35-36

-He gave God his trust.

..."Yet not what I will, but what you will" 

Mark 14:36

(^^ Jesus was emotional so I can be emotional too. pheww)

What would my life be like if I were to give my desires to God. Even if there are bad, embarrassing, lame, or stupid. I have learned that God meets us where we are at, it was reiterated in the book, I heard it from my pastor and my mom. It's hard for me because I'm a flight risk. I run away from all of those desires because I feel guilty about them, become afraid to disappoint people and then I turn that fear of what people think of me in to serious self-image and insecurities issues. Its a revolving door that I have to get out of. 

The genogram chapter was something that really got me thinking about why I am like this.  Honestly, I thought that I was the only to feel like this. But really, my mom, my grandma, my sister and my aunt have all struggled with self-image and insecurity. My grandma was verbally abused as a child and was never told she was good enough. She never treated my mom and aunt like this, but how she was affected trickled all the way down to me. That is just one trait but there are more than enough positive traits too that I have to be thankful for as well. 

But now I can "reparent" this portion of my personality. I am choosing to tell the Lord my desires even if they are bad and then most importantly trusting and inviting him to meet me in that place. And lastly, being open and vulnerable about these things with my loved ones. 

"God's invitation is to welcome him into those areas so we might break free to live life as joyfully and freely as he intends." pg 106